Google Taps Cheney for Leadership Role

April 1, 2008 — By Dr. Pete

In a surprising move today, Google announced that Vice President Dick Cheney will be joining the company in January of 2009 as Vice President of Global Affairs. Cheney announced his new role at a press conference this afternoon:

I'm pleased to announce that, when my term ends as Vice President, I will be joining the Google team. Google is uniquely poised to tackle a problem that has been important to Lynne and I for years, that of global domination.

Effective immediately, Google will change it's long-standing "Do no evil" motto to "Do some evil". As Cheney explains, "For too long, Google has had its hands tied by an irresponsible anti-evil philosophy. In this post-9/11 world, we can no longer afford to take any form of evil or mad science off the table."

After the press conference, Google co-founder Sergey Brin expressed his optimism about the newly forged alliance:

Larry and I are very happy to have Dick on board. At first, some of his ideas seemed unorthodox, but we've finally begun to realize that many of our initiatives, such as plug-in hybrid cars, simply aren't practical. Thanks to Dick, we'll be exploring projects with much greater real-word potential, such as moon lasers.

Brin admitted that some of Cheney's ideas were still being met with resistance: "Dick's suggestion that I change my name to Sam because Sergey is 'kind of Commie-sounding' is still under review, but I think I'll come around."

To Sergey, Larry, my readers, and the search industry, my sincere apologies. To Mr. Cheney, my sincere hopes for your rapid transition to the private sector.