Are You A Real Doctor?

My name is Dr. Pete, and I am not a real doctor. I'm a cognitive psychologist. Technically, I have a Ph.D. in Human Experimental Psychology with a Cognitive Research focus from the University of Iowa. I was part of a division called the Cognitive Research Area of Psychology. Yes, our acronym was "CRAP" – that was my advisor's idea of a joke. I liked his jokes.

I can't write you a prescription. I'm not even a clinical psychologist, so I can't solve your problems, either. I'm not like Dr. House or even Dr. Frasier Crane. If you're into fictional characters, I'm like Dr. Pete Venkman in Ghostbusters. You remember the scene where Bill Murray kept shocking the nerdy kid for laughs while telling the hot girl she was right? Yeah, that's me. If you need to be hooked up to electrodes and shocked, I'm your man.

Before you go running off and telling everyone "Dr. Pete isn't a real doctor!", let me ask you something. An M.D. spends 4 years of medical school (plus residency) learning how to make you feel better. A Ph.D. psychologist spends 5-6 years learning how to mess with your head. Which one of us do you want to piss off?